I tried my hand at spoken word once. I’d written an angry ode about the education system and the deteriorating role of educators. I had one of my writing friends look over it, and in the kindest way possible, he said it was crap. I was offended and stubborn, because I’d written it in the moment, overwhelmed with frustration and angst. However, now in retrospect, it is crap. Funny how when the storm calms, things seem more shallow and disposable. Can humans even have a pure moment anymore without feeling like they may be imitating some scene from a film or repeating some lines from a character? Is this making sense? We may try to work creatively and independently for solely intrinsic satisfaction, but in the end, the extrinsic is always there, waiting just on the other side from the window of your phone, computer, ipad, etc. Do we ever really forget it’s there? With limitless access to the public, media, and language, how can we not serve it, even unconsciously, with everything we do?
Today was a day off for me, and I spent it alone. I love spending time by myself. It’s therapeutic and extremely relaxing for me. Sometimes, when I let it go on for too long though, like weeks, or sometimes even months, I crave association with others and I become social again. Now, I can honestly say that I love spending time by myself, but others would maybe roll their eyes, tell me not to be so self-loathing, and get over myself, because it’s not cool to be so angsty and anti-social anymore. The thing is, I’m not! I’m genuinely happy alone; I even wore a bright fruit-patterned skirt today, I was so happy, seeing the sequenced cherries glittering from the sun! Still, those "others" are so used to this overrated Byronic character they see in movies and TV, you know the awkward kid that’s not really awkward outside of having glasses and at the end attracts their secret admirer for being so "mysterious and complicated." Give me a break! Can I enjoy a day by myself without you accusing me of trying to be a character I don’t relate to at all? On the other hand though, I will admit that there are people who do just that. Surfing through Facebook (sometimes I can be a creeper like that, and it’s usually around the time I’m beginning to want social interaction again), I came across a profile pic of an acquaintance of mine, she was in her room, holding the camera up to her face not-so-nonchalantly, her eyes were red, her lips were swollen, she was obviously distraught and crying. I’m thinking, "Really? We get it, you’re a pretty crier, but is this necessary?" It made me feel sick, turn off the computer, and extend my alone time to the next few weeks. I keep thinking about what could have come over her to make her think, "Not only am I crying, but let me document this and post it publicly." Reality TV is undoubtedly her destiny.
Basically though, we want recognition for our lives, and we may just be imitating those who got that recognition. I have a friend who uses "cool cat" and "darling." Is that him being fake and shallow? Well, that’s certainly not modern lingo; so, he’s obviously taking pointers from old art scenes, but people don’t mind, in fact, they love him for that. Are you still following, because my ideas keep wanting to diverge as I struggle to stay on track here?
Basically, a prime example would probably be of walking in the rain. How about dancing in the rain, kissing in the rain, singing in the rain? We would probably still do it even without the hundreds of film and music references, but since they exist, can we do it without thinking of any of those references? And since we can’t do any of those things without a film/music scene depicting the same thing popping into our heads, are we actually doing it for intrinsic pleasure or for the extrinsic satisfaction of someone passing by and seeing you or of being able to share with your friends the next day as they say, "Aw, how romantic"?
If so, I’m just coming into terms that maybe it’s not a bad thing. This is only because I do this too. I went camping with my family a few years ago, and I have a distinct memory of bathing in the river with my older sister after dark. It was a really pretty moment, just being with her, the stars’ reflections twinkling on the black surface of the water and soap suds floating around like little fairies. We felt like nymphs in the water, completely isolated from the rest of the world, and I thought about how beautiful it would be to reenact a moment like that in film because it meant so much to me. Does this make me a sell out in life? I’d say no. But then, at what point is too far? At what point do we begin to exploit ourselves and reality with public documentation?
Well… I’d say the moment hipsters get their hands on it :)
2 comments:
Your blog touched on something I was thinking about recently how it seems like the same movies are being made over and over again either remade old movies, or movies with the similar storylines like 127 hours and Buried, Avatar, The Last Samurai, and Pocahontas, and now No Stings Attached and Friends With Benefits. I know there are a ton more too. It's hard for filmmakers to come up with an original thought. The same goes with books. How many stories fall into the Jungian archetypal hero? Yet I will read and watch these things in spite of that. I think it's what we take in that makes us who we are, what we read watch or see that shape us as well other contributors such as experiences and location. I agree with you though, I think some people do reflect these things they have seen just to be recognized, but still I think others do them because it truly is how they feel I have honestly quoted some seriously ghastly lines from movies but I genuinely meant what I said. On a side note, have you ever read instinct and the unconscious?
And you do sound a bit the Byronic hero, but is that so bad?
I think the same stories are retold over and over in films, movies, music, etc, because they touch topics and themes that are relateable(is that a word?)(i.e. unrequited love, survival, redemption, etc). I understand that if that's the case, then we relate to these films because they absolutely take pieces that we experience as humans, whether it be emotions or experiences. That's what I was trying to articulate in my post. That at the end of the day, I'm okay with that. We quote and imitate, because we are impressionable, and we can adapt these different ideas and images from films and books to our own lives.
So, i do agree with you that they play a part in making us who we are. Thanks for your comment though, it really made me think about what exactly I was trying to say, because sometimes, I'm not even sure:)
And I will look into Instinct and the Unconscious. Thanks:)
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